The 3 tips to save an unhappy marriage or prevent an unhappy marriage.

Even with the best intentions, a happy marriage can become unhappy.

The initial excitement reduces with time. As life becomes more mundane and there are fewer new things to discover about each other, we start to focus more on the things that annoy us about our partner.

It does not take long for this to turn into moaning and dissatisfaction, and there we have the unhappy marriage.

It was no one’s fault; it just slowly slipped.

Now, with a few tools and some awareness, you can prevent this from happening and even save your marriage if you are stuck in an unhappy marriage.

Today, I want to focus on three areas that will prevent and save an unhappy marriage.

And hi, if you implement this, it will even create a happy marriage.

The need to feel safe

We all need to feel safe. However, one of the most common causes of unhappy marriages is a lack of safety.

Often, one person feels unsafe, which can lead to controlling, attacking, or blaming behaviour in the hope of getting a response.

These negative cycles can be hard to spot unless you have a great therapist of ours, my eBook.

The first step is to understand your partner’s attachment style, which they learned growing up.

If they are abandoned, they might be anxiously attached and fear being left, so they might quickly feel jealous or feel you are not there for them.

They likely also want a lot of attention.

The avoidant attached is the opposite. They have learned not to trust others can meet their needs, so they retrieve and avoid intimacy to a large extent.

The two opposite attachment styles often have a hard time getting on.

So, the first step is to identify your own and partner’s attachment styles and then implement the strategies to make them feel safe.

You can learn how to do that in my eBook.

Once that’s done, you will notice that many conflicts that even seem unrelated disappear as the underlying anxiety disappears. Your partner will stop the attacks or criticism and will be more open to connecting.

When I first experienced this in my relationship, it felt like a magic pill that made almost all issues disappear.

Attachment language

Now, avoiding an unhappy marriage is only part of the equation.

I want you to have a happy marriage, and the next step is to learn each other’s attachment language.

You might feel you do so much for your partner, but it has little impact.

It does not bring you closer; they are still complaining or avoiding connection. 

No wonder you eventually feel like giving up.

However, the solution could be straightforward: turn an unhappy marriage into a happy one.

Attachment language is how we feel important, valued and cared for by others.

We all have different ways we feel valued, important and cared for by others based on our genetic disposition and our experiences with people who cared for us when we were young.

As social creatures, we all need to feel important and valued by those close to us.

It’s an evolutionary survival strategy and some of the most primal and robust emotions we experience.

It makes us feel safe and connected when we know we are important and valued by our significant others.

We all experience feeling valued and important in different ways, so to connect with your partner, you must learn their attachment language so you can make them feel safe and cared for.

If, as a child, your father gave you gifts when he came home from his long business trips, you might have associated being important with someone giving you gifts, so this is what makes you feel special and close to someone.

Someone else might have had a lot of cuddling and stories on the sofa with their parents, so they feel necessary, unique, and connected when touched.

These attachment languages are learned based on how we were made to feel important and unique.

We can have more than one attachment language.

The reason it’s so important to know your partner’s attachment language is because you can spend all your energy and money buying gifts for your partner. Still, it will have no impact if their attachment language is different.

By knowing their attachment language, you can make them feel safely attached and valued.

If you want to learn how to identify your own and your partner’s attachment language and how to give them what they need, check out my eBook.


Violated boundaries create resentment, the number one killer of relationships and a guaranteed way to an unhappy marriage.

As young children, we often learn to disregard our boundaries because adults unintentionally or intentionally violate our boundaries.

We often also learn to prioritize other people’s needs above our own.

As adults, that often makes it hard to know our boundaries and how to enforce them.

We are often so out of touch that we don’t even know when we are letting others violate our boundaries.

Is your boss speaking down to you or slapping you on the bum?

Are your friends pushing you to drink more than you want?

Or is your boyfriend pressuring you into sexual exploration you don’t want to?

We constantly allow our boundaries to be overstepped.

This brings me to the point that allowing our boundaries to be violated, and more so repeatedly, is damaging emotionally and physically and will cause resentment in a relationship.

It’s often categorized as selfish when we listen to our boundaries and say no or stop.

I will argue that offering our boundaries is the greatest gift to our relationship and our partner.

Firstly, it will prevent resentment from building and will save the relationship.

Boundaries are a gift you offer to your partner.

Setting clear boundaries not only protects you but also ensures trust, as your partner can trust you to take care of yourself.

They can also express themselves freely, as they don’t have to be concerned about overstepping their boundaries.

If you end up having obligatory sex, you are teaching your body that sex is not enjoyable, and you will shut down your desire.

Listen to your body and respect your boundaries.

Therefore, respecting your boundaries is critical

Why do we allow our boundaries to be crossed?

Because we are afraid to be left alone or hurt our partner, or we have lost touch with them altogether.

If your boundaries are crossed, you will often feel uncomfortable, angry, or disassociate and shut down.

We must recognize when our boundaries are crossed and communicate this.

It’s the most loving and connecting thing we can do for our relationship.

If your partner is letting you cross their boundaries, it’s often because they care deeply about you and worry about losing you.

This does not mean crossing their boundaries is not harmful to the relationship.

Boundaries are based on our personal experience and don’t need any justification.

You will know you have hit a boundary when something feels uncomfortable.

Boundaries change daily.

One day, you might have more capacity to listen to your partner vent; other times, after a stressful day, you don’t have that same capacity.

One day, you might want sex, and another day, you might not.

The important part is learning to recognise and lovingly express your boundaries.

Knowing that boundaries are essential for love and intimacy, then offering a boundary is a gift to your partner.

In my eBook, I will cover how to establish and express your boundaries clearly and how to help your partner do this.

This will create a lot of intimacy and freedom in your relationship.

Now,, if you want to learn more,, check out my eBook full of details, practical exercises, and instructions on implementing all this. Or, sign up to get a short free eBook and newsletter with weekly tips.